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even though i'm not really in a laughing mood, this is too funny.… - Speak Friend and Enter
Grammar and Lord of the Rings
even though i'm not really in a laughing mood, this is too funny.

Bureau of Auto Repair gives advice

see, if i had edited that, i would have changed it to "Take your car to a shop and sell one of your kidneys on the black market to pay for it"
4 pity screws or Do me
drdelfi From: drdelfi Date: July 16th, 2003 10:54 am (UTC) (Link)


Oh yay! Stupid people can drive too!!

  • "Consider a pre-trip inspection by a qualified technician before you leave." Yes, this said "qualified technician" would be me. How fucking hard is it to check vitals? Have we ever heard of a DIP STICK and a PAPER TOWEL??

  • "Operationally, check the air conditioning, and inspect the belts and hoses." Well first off, you have to HAVE air conditioning. Not everyone does. But then again, this was obviously written to cater to stupid-people-with-more-money-than-brains, so of course they have air conditioning. Also, have a techinician check the belts and hoses?? I think it should be mandantory knowledge pre-driving to know what a bad belt looks like, and it's not that hard to squeeze a fucking hose and see if any water comes out.

  • "Inspect batteries and battery cables for corrosion, cracks and dirt. Hot weather can shorten a battery’s life, so have it tested if it’s near the end of its warranty. It’s a lot easier to replace a dying battery before a trip than replace a dead one on the side of the road." This one is laughable at best. First of all, the typical battery can be used for THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of miles looking like shit without dying. Second of all, it's not like you're going to be driving down the road and OH SHIT MY BATTERY DIED! Morons. Unless your car is lame like mine and has something hard-wired to the battery (i.e. NOT stock), you ONLY draw a significant charge from it when starting the engine. THAT is when the battery would die, not plugging along down the road. Maybe they meant at a roadside stop or something?

  • "Have a licensed brake adjuster inspect your brake pads and linings for wear." Ok, the typical person probably doesn't know how to do this, so I'll go with it. Tip #1: if they're screaming like a banshee and you have to press the petal all the way to the floor, it's PROBABLY TIME FOR NEW BRAKES. You'd be surprised how many people don't understand this concept.

  • "Change the engine oil and filter according to the manufacturer’s service intervals and specifications. The service technician should also check the coolant, brake, automatic transmission, windshield wiper and power steering fluids." Ok, any two year old with a milk jug and some will power can change the oil in a car, but I do realize that not everyone out there gets their jollies from oil changes like I do. HOWEVER, why in the HELL would you pay someone to check the other things?? Coolant--a reservoir with a fucking line on the outside telling you where the level should be at. Coolant is available at all Wal-Marts, geez. Brake fluid--usually another, metal reservoir with a dip stick. Once again, see Wal-Mart for more. ATF--IT'S A DIPSTICK. How the hell hard can that be?? Windshield wiper fluid--I shouldn't even dignify this one with a response. Power steering fluid--yet another metal reservoir with a dipstick. Do we not understand the concept of paper towels??

  • "Replace ragged wiper blades." NO. SHIT. SHERLOCK.

  • "Check the air pressure in all tires, including the spare, to make sure they are properly inflated. Uneven or excessive treadwear are signs that it may be time for rotation or even replacement." It sounds like they are encouraging self-inspection of this. I certainly hope so. Drive to the local gas station and do it yourself. Me, I carry a pressure gauge on me, but you know, whatever.

  • "Test your car’s interior and exterior lights, including turn signals and high beams, to make sure they work. This is also a good time to clean the lenses to get maximum visibility." Ok, seriously...people that have to be reminded to do this shouldn't be on the road.

    ...more to come.
  • drdelfi From: drdelfi Date: July 16th, 2003 10:54 am (UTC) (Link)

    ...and the rest

  • "Change your car’s air filters according to the manufacturer’s service intervals and specifications. A dirty air filter lowers gas mileage and reduces engine performance." Oh wow, REALLY??????? /sarcasm

  • "A service professional should inspect the radiator pressure cap, belts and hoses. Flush and refill the cooling system according to the manufacturer’s service intervals and specifications. This service should include replacement of the pressure cap." Five words--garden hose and ten minutes.

  • "Check engine light. Never leave on a long trip with your car’s “check engine light” or “malfunction indicator light” lit up. This light alerts you to a malfunction if it’s on while driving your car. If this light is on, have the problem diagnosed by a qualified technician before you leave." OMFG. There are really people that are such huge idiots that they IGNORE THE IDIOT LIGHTS??? *slams head into the wall*

    Thank you for posting that. It was amusing. :D
  • suffocated From: suffocated Date: July 16th, 2003 11:11 am (UTC) (Link)

    Re: ...and the rest

    i need your email so i can make you laugh more, without causing myself massive public embarassment
    drdelfi From: drdelfi Date: July 16th, 2003 11:40 am (UTC) (Link)

    Re: ...and the rest

    LOL i'm sorry. it wasn't directed at anyone, i'm just in the automotive sort of mood after this morning :P
    4 pity screws or Do me