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Do you ever get that feeling that life is slapping you in the face?… - Speak Friend and Enter
Grammar and Lord of the Rings
suffocated
suffocated
Do you ever get that feeling that life is slapping you in the face? Like, "Hey, wake up stupid! Get a clue and realize what is really going on!!". I had one of those moments today. I e-mailed a friend of mine from high school that I, unfortunately as far as I'm concerned, hadn't spoken to at all since graduation nearly 4 years ago until just a couple months ago when I did out of the blue. Her reply was short, to the point, and left me with the impression that there was nothing more to say. Kinda like "Ok, this is how I am, well see ya around". Then a few weeks back she sent me a page via LJ because she "was bored". :) Well, today I finally got around to getting back to her, because I'm lazy and I'm an ass. Her response itself wasn't too much more revealing than the first, but she did mention that she had a journal.....so I read the entries (it's only been up since 4/28). And that's when I had the "wake up stupid" moment.

See, the problem is, I went over 3 1/2 years without communicating with this girl (who happens to have been my junior prom date....i'm not sure that really is relevant but whatever) and so as far as I knew, she was the same as when I last talked to her.

EH EH. This is not the same girl I spent most of junior-year Chemistry talking to about nothing in particular. At least, I sure hope it was nothing in particular, because otherwise I'll feel more like an ass. For lack of a better phrase, she has "grown up". I mean, obviously that happens to most people, but it was just weird to see her thoughts and life events laid out and going, "this doesn't sound like her at all!". It's actually interesting, and not at all a bad thing, in case YOU are reading this. :)

I don't want to be a hypocrite here; obviously I have gone through quite a few changes since high school, and in my own mind at least, have matured a great deal. Maybe I'm more apt to notice things now that I see how another person has changed.

Someone might be wondering what prompted me to contact her in the first place after so long. The sad(?) truth is, I was a social idiot in high school, caring about all the wrong things. What I didn't realize until just recently was that I may have completely missed an opportunity with her back then. Confession time: I was too busy being jealous of the guy that took my main high school crush to the prom to pay enough attention to my own date. I am a bad person, I know. Or at least, I was then. I am better, now. No, really!! So back to the point. I am far too shy to come right and ask her if I did in fact blow it with her, and really, what does it matter? She's lived nearby this whole time, I really enjoyed her company back then, so what the hell, right? As of this writing, I have no clue where things are headed. I'd like to see her this summer, barring any unforseen outside interference. Until that happens, it's difficult to say.

I think I am rambling. Hmmm, what is the main point of this entry....let's say that I am making myself more aware of how others are perceiving things and possibly altering my behavior based on the analysis of such perceptions.

Riiiiiiiiiiight. I sound so psychiatrist-y.

Current Mood: thoughtful thoughtful
Currently Blasting: Blind Guardian - Imaginations from the Other Side

1 pity screw or Do me
Comments
redcreamsoda From: redcreamsoda Date: May 20th, 2001 06:29 am (UTC) (Link)

Wow..

That's ironic. I'm a little in the same situation. My best guy friend my freshmen year, got kicked out right before Christmas break for having caffiene pills (very stupid, got ten days out..) and his parents made him move w/ his grandma, i think it was his gma anyway, to Witchita, KS (i live north of Kansas City, KS... probably five hours drive) and he never came back after Christmas, I obviously never got the chance to say goodbye or tell him that I liked him. I meirly hinted at it once or twice. Anyway, we regained contact several months ago online through a mutal friend of ours, who goes to my school, and it was all cool and stuff. Then Friday night I was at this graduation party and a group of four or five people came and when I looked to see who they were I instantly recognized him. At first I said nothing, but i did try and stay withing sight of him, and I was sitting in a chair several feet infront of him and all of the sudden a towel hits me in the back. That's when we started talking. It was cool... I have realized I still have some feelings for him, but I'm cool with just hanging out (i do have a boyfriend, also..) and he was cool with that. Anyway, i'm blabbing... g'bye! and goodluck!
1 pity screw or Do me