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in no particular order. i want to quit my job. i want to quit my cs… - Speak Friend and Enter
Grammar and Lord of the Rings
suffocated
suffocated
in no particular order. i want to quit my job. i want to quit my cs team (which i just did). i want to quit my damn family. i can't make anyone happy, but i'm not a quitter. it would be nice if there was a person who actually understood how my mind works.

that actually leads nicely into the other part of this entry. i believe i feel more lonely than usual because i have nobody to share things with. just things i think of, any beauty that might escape my lips has no ear to entrance. i've had that, but managed to screw it up one way or another. i realized this yesterday walking past a pond. nature is helpful to me. it lets me clear out my head and think clearly. when i was waiting for the shuttle, i kinda let myself go and let the air pass all around me, through me. it sounds weird but for a moment i was not there on the sidewalk. afterwards i felt like i had been released from some prison, that being my desk/job. walking past the pond, it was another moment of just..being. imagining sitting on the bank with someone special, just feeling life. fleeting moments of would-be happiness.

on another note entirely, my grandma is....stable. her right side is paralyzed from the stroke, and she can't talk very well right now. they had to put a tube into her stomach to feed her since her muscles aren't able to swallow properly right now. so my mom is taking care of bills and such at her condo while they prepare to move her to a nursing home. =\ i really hope the worst is over, but i don't know. this means now that i'm going to sonoma state on saturday alone, but thats ok. its mostly for my benefit anyway.

finale.
5 pity screws or Do me
Comments
hauntedlavender From: hauntedlavender Date: April 15th, 2003 03:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
i'm a quitter :/ well, not yet. but, hopefully soon.
her_whispers From: her_whispers Date: April 16th, 2003 08:18 am (UTC) (Link)
I am the same way with nature. Here in Florence, there isn't a whole lot of nature, and these days the streets are crowded with tourists, so you can't even get out for a nice quiet walk. I will say that one thing I miss about California is being able to wander along the beach or mountains and just.... be.

I am sorry to hear about your grandma. I hope that she gets well again soon.

Miss you!

M.
lairans From: lairans Date: April 16th, 2003 10:26 am (UTC) (Link)
You seem to talk to me about some stuff ---- but I dont really have breasts :( sry.
suffocated From: suffocated Date: April 16th, 2003 10:56 am (UTC) (Link)

Re:

well i think you know what i mean, don't take offense boon. it wasn't like "damn i have no friends".
5 pity screws or Do me