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I've not been talking about much lately. Last week I went into a… - Speak Friend and Enter
Grammar and Lord of the Rings
suffocated
suffocated
I've not been talking about much lately.

Last week I went into a mini-spiral. It only last about 12 hours I think. Its always a combination of things that sets it off. This time it was the apparent lack of anyone in the world caring about my existence. I admit, I was rather perturbed at the total lack of response to my poll. I watched Michelle do it and work to keep up with the questions as they came, and then I saw my own get 2 questions, one from someone I've never even spoken to, and I thought, does anyone still read this? Or am I just another person on the list who gets skimmed over? I also felt really worthless for not being able to get a rather menial job, and like I wrote briefly, the one person I wanted to talk to was unavailable to me. See? Combination of things to reduce my self-image to something inferior to a speck of dust. I got over it. Except I'm still unsure if anyone reads my journal anymore.

It matters because I hold to the argument that an online journal is intended for an audience - otherwise, it would all be private, or for those who prefer writing to typing, entirely offline. If there is no audience, there remains little point in keeping it up. Just the way I see the whole thing.

But now I do have a way of contacting that one person, and I plan to use it tomorrow. I still don't have a job, and will be collecting unemployment in a few weeks if things don't turn around. Nothing can ever be stable in my life. Or I guess its that things aren't ever stable all at once.

Mom bought me a bunch of clothes today, mostly for my uncle's wedding next weekend, but also some jeans and new shoes. I can't believe how many pairs of shoes I went through before finding the ones I got. Just wanted them to be comfortable. Perhaps pictures tomorrow.

I've had IRC running for about 48 hours now, constantly downloading/queueing songs. I think I'm like 60% done with all the stuff I requested. It was a big list.

I want to know where my SlimX is that I ordered 17 days ago. WTF. I haven't been creative lately. I want to be again.
1 pity screw or Do me
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abstracted From: abstracted Date: October 14th, 2002 01:58 am (UTC) (Link)
I miss you beyond words.




1 pity screw or Do me